Thievery: Underskirts

May 6th, 2011

Thievery is a series of blog posts about my story inspirations.

The Story:

‘Underskirts’ won third place in the 2010 Bridport Prize and is published online at PANK.

An extract:

She found me with my hands around chickens, fingers stretched wide, thumbs over beaks. My skirt, mud-weighed, tugged at my ankles as I dipped low. Silly to curtsey while armed with birds, I knew, but it had to be done. If I’d let go they’d’ve flown at her, chuttering through her red hair. And what a sight that would’ve been! The lady, still horsed, with her legs one on either side and her skirt hitching up to show a handspan of stocking. And her horse as white as cuckoo-flowers, with its little red haunch-spot not quite hidden by the bridle. I kept my thumbs tight over those dangerous beaks.

The Inspiration:

In March 2010 I went to Amsterdam with my girlfriend Susie. This is us, looking like the professional creative people we are:

Kirsty & Susie

We went to the Van Gogh Museum and it was incredible and inspiring and enlightening and all that other good stuff, and I went on to read The Yellow House by Martin Gayford (which I highly recommend). But then, at the end of the museum, there was an exhibition of paintings by Van Gogh’s contemporaries. And that’s where I saw this painting, ‘Portrait of Guus Preitinger’ by Kees van Dongen:

Portret van Guus Preitinger, de vrouw van de kunstenaar

And my brain said DING DING DING in the manner of a winning slot machine. Well, okay, it wasn’t that dramatic. It was more like ’she looks interesting, I would enjoy writing a story about her’.

When I got home, I flipped through my writing notebook and found a note I’d written to myself months ago – lady lifts servants’ skirts. I have no idea what I meant, but I thought it fit nicely with the painting.

5097But a story can’t be about one character – what the lady needed was a love interest. I searched through online archives of paintings and found this one of a farmer-girl gazing dreamily into the distance. Aha!, I thought, this is the sort of girl who would run away on adventures.

So I wrote a story about a lady who lifts her servants’ skirts, and about the sorts of girl who ran away on adventures. The ending, you might notice, comes back again to my fascination with anchoresses, because as much as I wanted the lady to have a happy ending I knew that she could not.

(Note: My first thought on seeing ‘Portrait of Guus Preitinger’ was ‘hey, she reminds me of PJ Harvey.’ And when I went down to Bridport to collect my prize, who was there at the ceremony but… PJ Harvey.)

Underskirts at PANK

April 15th, 2011

wtf-girl-photo-how-refined“She found me with my hands around chickens, fingers stretched wide, thumbs over beaks. My skirt, mud-weighed, tugged at my ankles as I dipped low. Silly to curtsey while armed with birds, I knew, but it had to be done. If I’d let go they’d’ve flown at her, chuttering through her red hair. And what a sight that would’ve been! The lady, still horsed, with her legs one on either side and her skirt hitching up to show a handspan of stocking. And her horse as white as cuckoo-flowers, with its little red haunch-spot not quite hidden by the bridle. I kept my thumbs tight over those dangerous beaks.”

Last year my story ‘Underskirts’ won third place in the Bridport Prize, and now you can read the whole story online at PANK magazine. Hope you enjoy it!

Click here to read ‘Underskirts’ >>

Thievery: How I Learned To Love A Real Man

March 16th, 2011

Thievery is a series of blog posts about my story inspirations.

The Story:

‘How I Learned To Love A Real Man’, first published online at BURST.

Reprinted in Eve’s Harvest (Odyssey Books).

An extract:

Thirteen heralded my Goth phase. I had brief affairs with Heathcliff (too obsessive), Mr. Darcy (too pouty), and Jonathan Harker (too wussy). I went through a brief but decidedly creepy phase of swithering between Edgar Allen Poe and Humbert Humbert. I soon realised that a lust for thirteen year old girls is not necessarily a good thing in a prospective lover.

The Inspiration:

The short version is that I wrote this story because when I was a teenager I had a crush on Rasputin. Just process that for a moment before we continue.

A crush.

On Rasputin.

I’ve always had unusual crushes. Some may say ‘odd’, but I think they all make perfect sense. Right now, for example, my secret boyfriend is Danny Trejo.

danny-trejo

PHWOOOOAAAARRRR.

I think it goes without saying that if Danny Trejo was an actual, real, non-famous man who came up to me in a bar and was all “hey baby, wanna get dirty?” (because I imagine that is what he would say), then I would say “no thank-you” and move to another seat. Or perhaps throw my drink in his face and run away before he could wipe the vodka out of his eyes, depending on how scary he looked at the time.

The point is that while the face of Danny Trejo is not attractive, the general persona of Danny Trejo is very sexy indeed. I can’t really explain this, because if you’re not nodding in agreement as you read this then I can never convince you. And that brings me to Rasputin.

Similarly, Rasputin is not attractive. I mean, check this shit out:

Rasputin

He’s obviously a total creep. And yet, and yet! My teenage brain considered him to be the ideal boyfriend. Clearly, a beardy dead Russian mystic is the perfect partner for a queer bookish goth teenager in Glasgow. The rom-com script practically writes itself. Again, I can’t explain this, because if you’re not nodding then I’ve already lost you.

I should add that I had some slightly more normal crushes, like King Charles II and Dante Gabriel Rossetti (they’re normal guys for teenage girls to fancy, right?). Then again, I’m pretty sure I genuinely had a crush on Humbert Humbert and Edgar Allen Poe too. Maybe I just needed to get out more.

Obviously I’m not the only person who can see Rasputin’s appeal, because the illustration that goes along with my story in Eve’s Harvest makes him fit for the cover of a romance novel:

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How about you? Who are your unusual crushes?

Things I Like #2: Passive-Aggressive Notes

March 7th, 2011

Today, be entertained by the vast swathes of human emotion on display at PassiveAggressiveNotes.com

Here are my favourites:

#1. The Saddest Person In The World

I’m always impressed by such effective emotional blackmail. It’s not for amateurs.

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#2. BABIES???????????????

It is a big question, no doubt about that. But I do wonder whether that many question marks were really necessary.

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#3. Elaine’s Food

I have never experienced the unbearable pain of having someone eat food I left in the office fridge, so perhaps I am being harsh in mocking Elaine. But seriously, a whole drawer? I bet Elaine is everyone’s favourite person in the office. She seems like a right laugh.

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I hope that these cheer up your Monday – or even inspire you to vent your own rage in the form of notes.

Top 3 Unconventional Projects

March 6th, 2011

It’s always exciting to have a piece of writing in an anthology or literary magazine, whether in print or online. But I’ve also been involved in some fun and inspirational projects that were a little more unconventional. These are my favourites.

#1. Abe’s Penny

Abe’s Penny is an art project and literary magazine in the form of postcards. The editors, Anna and Tess, pair up writers and artists to create four postcards that are sent out to subscribers – four postcards make one story, so there’s a new story every month. I was paired up with Australian photographer Graham Miller, whose photographs are a beautiful exploration of loneliness and landscapes. Here are two of the photos I was sent:

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It seemed to me that the photos had a clear narrative through them, and I imagined the people in the photos all being part of one family – three different generations, the changes they’d gone through, and the things they never managed to say. I wrote the story as if each postcard was written by the person in the photo. Here’s one of them:

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Before taking part in this project, I had never written stories to go with photographs, and I had never written a story in four stand-alone parts. It was a great experience and I’m so proud of the result.

#2. likestarlings

likestarlings pairs up writers so that they can have a conversation in poems. Each pair produces five poems in total – three from one poet, two from the other – with each poem written as a response to the previous one. I was paired with George Ttouli, an English poet. Our conversation began with my poem ‘homemakers’:

we will build
we will build a house
of stone or pine or ice
or whatever they will let us have
whatever they do not want.

the heat between us will
melt the house
burn the house.
we will warm each other
together on the forest floor.
we will build ourselves on the forest floor.

after they take everything
we will have what we built.

You can read the rest of the poem-conversation here.

#3. Triangle

The Triangle project was a collaboration between writers, musicians and artists. For the print part, 41 authors wrote interlinked pieces inspired by one another in a triangle form. It’s based on theories of OuLiPo so the methodology is a bit complicated, but there’s an explanation of how it worked here.

I wrote about breakups and body-mods, mainly because I have a bunch of tattoos and I’d just broken up with someone. Here is my piece. The formatting is a bit weird, so in case it doesn’t show up here is a sideways photo of it from the print version:

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How about you, writers and readers? What are your favourite unusual writing projects?

Goodbye, Offline February!

March 1st, 2011

Offline February is over, and I am back online! Observe this visual representation of being back on Facebook/Twitter:

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I missed reading about people’s lives as lived online, but I kept myself busy. Things I did:

  • Listened to a lot of 90s hip-hop.
  • Wrote a short story for Algebra, the new lit-mag app from the Tramway.
  • Read eight books (mostly trashy).
  • Had new stories/poems published in ParcelGertrude, and Frostwriting.
  • Found the notes my father made for a novel he never wrote.
  • Went on a lot of bus trips across the city.
  • Played SushiBoy on my phone for far too long.
  • Had an article in the Boston Globe.
  • Developed a crush on every girl in the ‘Do It Like a Dude’ video.
  • FINISHED MY GODDAMN NOVEL.

That last one was really the point of the whole exercise, so that’s good. I won’t say that a month off social networks changed my life in any large or small way, but I liked having a bit of quiet inside my head.

Now tell me all the interesting, unusual, exciting, boring, pointless, bizarre things you did in February!